Tuesday, March 06, 2007

-----------------------Adapted from someone's Blog --------------------------

A friend of mine, who is an aspiring musician, got talking the other night about all the blokes she'd dated within the industry. Before going on a first date with one these men, she'd whip out her mental checklist and make sure that all his qualities matched the ones she was after.

"I was looking for someone who would understand my career aspirations, share my love of music and enjoy being in the spotlight," she told me. At first, it was all hunky dory what with the glamorous events, dinners and enough contacts to get her foot planted firmly inside music's door. But soon enough, the attraction faded.
"It's like we were just suddenly in a really empty relationship. There was no spark, there was nothing real pulling us together and I would start getting really, really bored with the whole thing."

Her advice to me? "There is no such thing as picking out the perfect boyfriend like a kid in a toy store. It's got to be about love. If he loves you, admires you and supports your decisions, that's what makes a great boyfriend. It's not about what's on his CV that will hold you together ..."
It upsets me that so many women out there complain that if only their man was fitter, funnier, more sensitive, knew how to cook and liked surfing as much as they did, he would be the perfect boyfriend.

Of course there's no such thing as the perfect partner. But it's when you really love the person you're with, that your perception of them changes into one that thinks they're perfect in every way.
How this happens, I'm not quite sure. What I do know is that these are the couples that are the lucky ones. And usually it's thanks to having a great partner.
But how do we define one?

Well we know all too well about the less desirable characteristics: the bad boys, divas, princesses, cheaters, liars, commitment-phobes, marrieds, bad kissers, abusers, selfish lovers (I could go on forever). But I (along with a swarm of the male bloggers here) are hankering to know what are the qualities that attract us to one partner, and not another?
Over lattes with a couple of girlfriends, I decided to pose the question to them about what they reckon makes a great boyfriend.

"Love, honesty, respect and someone who always treats you like you're aprincess," piped up one friend who is newly engaged. "And it always helps if he can make you laugh!" she adds.
Another, who recently dumped her cheating beau, reckons it's all about being able to feel safe and secure in the relationship.
"There's no use dating a bloke who you have to worry is ducking out to catch up with other girls every night. The worry and anxiety can kill you, and it definitely kills a relationship."
Yet if you're looking for a boyfriend who is similar to you, you'd better take a ticket and stand in the queue because according to Kate White, author of How To Set His Thighs On Fire (and Cosmopolitan magazine editor in the US), your guy will never ever be like you (or your mum, your sister or any of your girlfriends).

"If there is one thing I am sure of after eight years at Cosmo, it is that no matter how much you try to train a guy or how much white wine you serve him, he will not develop female instincts." (Damn!)

To me? A great boyfriend isn't about the presents they buy you, how tall they are or the size of their, um, hands...

Instead I think it's summed up brilliantly by James Blunt when he croons about how he loved to watch his girlfriend while she was asleep, knew all her fears, was her best friend and couldn't fathom a life of living without her.

-----------------------Adapted from someone's Blog --------------------------